This year was my 20th father’s day(if you count when my wife was pregnant with our first), but it was also my worst! All day father’s day I knew that my wife had an appointment the very next day with a divorce lawyer, and that my marriage of almost 20 years was about to end. How crappy is that? Well, as it turns out, I had it coming. I may lose any repeat readers I have, but here goes. I am an alcoholic. And I have been an alcoholic for most of the marriage. She gave me plenty of time to fix this problem and I just never did. I chose an intoxicating liquid over a wonderful woman.
In my defense I was never physically abusive, and I never yelled, but I certainly had plenty of unnecessary attitude and judgments and mean-spirited comments when I got to a certain level of intoxication, and I certainly went to bed early WAY too often, leaving my wife to take care of everything in the evenings by herself. I was a selfish asshole for sure.
With all of that said, however, I think my understanding of Jesus and God are usually spot on. I just have not done a good job being Christlike when it came to my own best friend – my wife, Susan. I took advantage of her and just always said in the back of my mind, “Oh she’ll get over it. She’ll be fine in the morning, because I’ll be fine in the morning.” She showed me yesterday that even the best wives have their limits. So now, I’ve got to figure out how to start all over at age 46. I don’t want to be divorced, but that’s out of my hands now and it was my fault, so I’ve got to find someone to lean on to help me get through and do the right things for Susan and my children from a distance. I’ve got to find someone bigger and greater than myself to help us all recover. It’s a good thing I already know who that is…Thank you God.